Agnew's Mind He's got a long journey ahead of him.

a Goat, a Train, and a Jim Carrey Sundae

Sunday was a great day, but spending 5 hours in the freezing cold watching the Birds lose left me with a frozen face , sniffly nose, and a broken heart.  I phoned it in for work on Monday and got home around 6.  I got a chicken finger platter from Hatboro pizza and returned to my abode to stuff face.  I had almost no appetite and was teetering on the brink of giving in to complete sickness.  I ate half the dinner and washed it down with 6 Oreos and milk, the ultimate cure-all.  I go with 6 because it is the most I can fit between my thumb and my pinky finger without spilling the milk glass resting in my palm.  By 8 o'clock, I had taken a swig of Nyquil and plopped on my bed.  I was about half way through "House of the Flying Daggers" when I lost my battle with the medicine and passed out.  The dream that followed was up to par with those that have come before and again Oreos seemed to be the trigger.

The dream started off in airport terminal that was shaped like a giant doughnut with an inner ring and an outer ring.  The outer ring had large glass windows from ceiling to floor about 2 stories high.  There were chairs and benches along the windows and every so often a door with a terminal sign above it.   The inner ring was mainly a kitchen.  If you remember the kitchen from Jurassic Park or The Shining that was what it looked like.  All the lights were shut off but there was still an eerie blue glow that reflected off of all the stainless steel.  There were pots, pans,  spoons, and ladles hanging from hooks above the stoves and counters, just waiting to swing off and make a loud crashing noise.  Throughout the dream I was making my way back and forth between the inner and outer circles.  I had generic friends following along with me that kept changing like a Sopranos Season Six dream.  Chances are if you are reading this, you were in the dream at some point.  This dream was also full of extras, soulless stewardesses and business men walking around with their tug-along luggage.  Everything was normal until I came across my first goat.  He was standing in the kitchen and tied up with a rope to the handle of the stove.  I walked up and untied him.  "Come on let's get you out of this airport Mister goat."  He didn't say anything.  But then again goats don't talk so that's good I guess.  I let him out of the kitchen and into the outer ring where he started walking in the endless loop with the rest of the business men, unnoticed.  Once he left my site things pick up pace and it almost became one of those dreams where the FBI would be hunting me down and Mulder and Scully would make a cameo.  I was the guy releasing goats into the terminal and I could not be stopped.  My team, now in a semi-sprint weaving in and out the loops were in search of the remaining goats.  We found the second goat tied to one of the stools of the airport bar because even in my dreams airports have at least one bar to break up the repetition.  The thirda and final goat was found back in the kitchen where we had found the first one.  We could hear bah-ing coming from one of the ovens.  This goat was a much smaller than the others and was shaking like it was scared.  Even after I picked it up it was still shivering and bah-ing uncontrollably. Here is an artist's rendition of what I looked like carrying the baby goat. "We need to get him to the others, his mom and dad."  We raced out to the terminal and the other two goats were standing there waiting for use.  They laid down and formed a perfect circle with their bodies.  Once they took this form they were motionless.  I placed the baby goat in the ring and it began to glow and change into more of a half human/half goat baby.  Suddenly all the extras noticed the baby-goat and ran over to take pictures.  The crowd began to swell and I was getting pushed back as everyone fought to get closer to the ring.  Flashbulbs from cameras were going off everywhere and I became disoriented.  I tripped backwards over someone's carry-on luggage and just before I hit the ground I woke up in my bed.

It was 4AM and I was already feeling quite rested.  I decided to get a glass of water as my mouth had dried out.  I made my way to the kitchen with my eyes still shut like a mole leaving his burrow.  The sound of the Brita pouring caused me to pit-stop in the bathroom.  I tried to drinking the water at the same pace as I was relieving myself.  I remember cracking myself up by saying "Circle of Life"...which doesn't make any sense now of course.  I made my way back to the bedroom.  I pulled the covers back and tried to drop as fast I could into the pillow as to make an indent that would cradle my head.  It felt like my entire body had turned to sand and spread evenly across the bed.  I was instantly taken back into another dream.

I was face down in the snow.  I pushed myself up and saw that I was in the front yard of a house set far back in the woods.  The driveway of the house turned into the a road that went off into the distance.  Everything was quiet.  I decided that I needed to fix up the single story house since it looked as if it was covered in vines.  I found a small pair of clippers in my pocket and started to trim the vines.  They fell quickly to the ground and lost their shape.  They became almost like fabric and folding in on themselves as they floated down to the snow.   After a bit of trimming I stopped and thought that what I was doing wasn't right at all.  These weren't vines, these were train tracks.  Something clicked in my head.  I scanned the yard for a power source.  There, at the end of the driveway, was a lamppost.  The bottom of the lamppost was covered with about a foot of snow.  I brushed the snow away to find an extension cord going into a plug  with a switch on it that was set to off.  I flicked the switch and the house lit up with Christmas lights.    There was even a train that ran around the house on lit-up tracks.  But there was gap in the tracks, a gap I had cut out.  I jolted back to the spot of I had trimmed and snatched up the pile of fabrics.  I could hear the train whistling in the back yard.  It would be in the front shortly and I had to replace the tracks before it got here.  I frantically tried to reconnect the fabric and make it light again.  As I did parts of the fabric would become rigid and light up while other parts flickered a dim light but then remain dark.  The train had turned the corner of the house and was approaching the gap.  The horn of the train bellowed like a tractor trailer downshifting and laying on the brakes.  The crash was immanent and the headlight on the front of the train was blinding me.  I struggled to connect the last lengths of fabric to the track.  The sound of the train grew louder and the headlight made everything white.  I moved my hands away at the moment the train hit mended rails and closed my eyes.

The nose of the train slowly died off and become chatter from a large crowd and music from an old-time piano.  I opened my eyes and the white light I had seen slowly adjusted to a bunch of individual lights surrounded by a rich wood color.  I was sitting in a leather booth and my sisters, Kate and Maura, were across from me.  We were in an Ice Cream Parlor.  It was fancy place with a high ceiling.  It was all one large room with old fashioned tile floors that made little designs everywhere.  Tables and chairs were in the main areas and booths ran along the wall.  We were sitting on the right side of the room where the booths shared the wall with the main bar.  This bar was where all the ice cream cones and sundaes were made.  The bar itself was made of dark hand-carved wood.  To place an order you had to walk up a staircase at the end of the room which lead to balcony located directly above our booth.   We placed our orders in this fashion.  I got chocolate ice cream with chocolate syrup, traditional but also the best way to evaluate a place you have never been to before.  We returned to our booth and waited to be called to the bar.  Just then the lights stated to dim and the power went out, everything went dark , the crowd quieted, and the piano went silent.  Moments later the lights came back on and the piano and chatter resumed.    I began to look around and noticed that there was a new person in the room.  A cop.  He was up at the bar knocking softly on the wood.  His knock steadily increased force until he was pounding on the bar making all of the glass jump and spill whipped cream on the bar.  Once again the crowd quieted and the piano stopped playing.  Everyone turned to get a glimpse of this new stranger.  He stopped and turned and revealed himself to be none other than Jim Carey.  Everyone cheered as he threw his cap up in the air.  He made his way through the crowd in a very Phanatic fashion, pausing to make a silly face or get in a picture which he would ruin at the last second.  He walked past our booth and sat down at the one next to ours but on the far side so he was still facing us.  I could seem him over Maura's shoulder.  She was extremely excited and kept looking over her shoulder to sneak a peek.  Each time he would take a break from the conversation in his booth to make a face at her.  She would turn around smiling each time.  Eventually the lights in the room dimmed and they began to play a trailer for his new movie, "Love Grande" or something like that.  The poster for the movie was now all over the place and it looked like a large platter of nachos eaten away in the middle so words could get put in.  I didn't really pay attention to the trailer but it was about some goofy love story in a Chili's restaurant between two of the servers.  After the trailer he made his way to the back room, next to the bar,  where he was going to be for pictures and autographs.  Then we heard our names get called so we headed up to the bar.  The girl behind the bar asked me what I ordered again. "Chocolate with Chocolate syrup."  She grabbed a glass and scooped three scoops of chocolate into it.  She turned back to me and asked, "Anything else?"   I stared and her with a really face on. "Chocolate Syrup."  At this point I was keeping one eye on her and one eye on the door  to the other room which could open at any second.  She started to wander around looking for the spout labeled chocolate.  I started to do a hurry UP dance as to keep myself from jumping across the counter and doing it myself.  Finally she placed my sundae on the bar and, at the same time, the door to the room opened.  I sprinted the length of the bar and skidded to a halt at the doorway where a bouncer had now replaced the door.  I was first in line with Maura and Kate right behind me.  In my head I pictured they had gotten there by run-blocking for me so most of the people behind us were winded or injured with comical black eyes and missing teeth.  The bouncer, wearing a yellow "staff" shirt,  notified me that ice cream was not permitted in the room.  I had to drop my newly made sundae in the big black trash bag at the entrance.  Damn.  So Maura, Kate and I enter the room empty handed.  Jim had changed out of the police uniform and was now in a long tuxedo coat with a penguin tail on it and t-shirt like looked like an undershirt with marker drawings on it.  On his chest it had a crown and simply said "King" graffiti style.  Maura pointed out that this shirt was from Man on the Moon from the scene where he fought with Jerry "the King" Lawler.  I paid it little mind and stood for a pose with him.  He was much taller than I had expected and I had trouble getting my arm around him.  I mentioned this and he responded, "It's the boots."  He now had big army boots on.  "And you don't have any shoes on."  Low and behold I didn't have any shoes on.  So I went up on my tippy-toes to match his height and it worked.  I actually gained almost a foot in height and we both laughed at the change.  We struck a pose with our arms up and out to the crowd and our chins up like they were our subjects.  Kate was taking the picture but couldn't get the camera to work.  Come on.  She tried again.  Nothing.  She tried again and said the camera is just not taking it even though she is hitting the button.  Can't hold the pose for much longer.  Finally the flash goes off and I wake up in my bed.  I look over at the clock and it's 7:29AM right before my alarm.  I congratulate my internal clock on it's victory and wait for the alarm.  I reach over to shut it off but notice that there is something in my hand, feels like a piece of paper.  I immediately jump up and rub my eyes.   Before I take a look I already know what it is.

It's a picture of me and Jim Carey.

Jim and Me

Haha what if that really happened?

It would be even better if Jim Carrey woke up this morning with a picture of me in his hand.

Thanks again Oreos.

My Gateway to Dreams