Agnew's Mind He's got a long journey ahead of him.

The Ballad of Terry the Fitz

"No, none of us will ever be the same, but we will be alright."

And so ended my first reading of, "Assumed the Watch. Moored as Before." Much like Plato's The Republic, God's The Bible, and Dostoevsky's Crime and Punishment, this autobigraphical "memoir" will be regarded as one of those books that change the world. More similar in context to Notes from the Underground, Lieutenant Fitzgibbons writes as an embittered naval officer aboard various not-so-sea-going vessels. His prose and rhetoric border on insanity and his words like fire and brimstone curse every ounce of promises the navy and their propogandic poster's made to him. Like a scourned lover he revels in his dark, sarcastic, interior observations of the shining, sun kissed, clean, crisp, modern exterior of the U.S.A. navy. From observations both pre-naval career to his reminiscing post-naval career, we learn that, much like corporate america, the US Navy is not immune to the checks and balances that make up the daily life of the working man. Regardless of place, career, or status we all will have our documents, meetings, speeches, duties, and inspections to bear. Much like Jesus carried his cross, we all must die for our parents' and parents' parents' sins through never ending meeting after meeting and inspection after inspection in the eternal quest for the "good life." In the end we learn that we need to follow in LT Fitzgibbons' footsteps. We need to approach each day with the sarcasm and humor that he has. The laughter when confronted with such insanity will allow us to accept the truth and, my friends, the truth does indeed set us free.

I see Terry, one day in the not too distant future, joining some protest in an American city wearing a kaffiya and holding a sign the reads, "I Hate The Navy." During this daydream, half stolen from his book, throngs of people ask for his "Herbie Hancock" and tell him what his book meant, how his book changed their life, how life will never be the same. I would like to think that if even one navy hopeful manages to find this book in his/her hands and they can and do reconsider their options, Terry will have succeeded. All of those memories and stories he tells throughout his book about how the navy figuratively and sometimes literally put their foot up his ass will be paid back. He will have single-handedly been able to defeat the symbolic phallus of American might, the US Navy. In this grand scheme, Terry will have caused someone to balk at the navy and their promises and helped them see the light, reconsider, and go on to some better idea and future. This will be the victory Terry hoped to achieve, drunkenly, on the softball field that one game. This will be Terry yet again choosing Coldplay over duties and telling the navy to suck it.

"SWO...The only thing worse than today is...tomorrow" (T.Fitzgibbons, 2006). Through all of the pages the reader finds the underlying theme that those men and women who love the navy tend to have an eternal stick up their ass. This does not make them bad people, nor does Terry write this in a way that belittles their career choice. It merely states a fact. Much like Judas was a necessary evil and fulfilled his role perfectly, these career makers (for lack of a better word but I am sure Terry has a more fitting synonym) are comparable. This brings us to the lone sad tale of the memoir, this being the regretful ending of Terry's naval career. One could have only hoped that Terry would have given it a go and strove to make Captain or some other high rank. He would have been given command of some battleship. He would then be in the position to make the tomorrow's of today better. The officers, etc on his ship would be free to wear backpacks on their back, they would be able to run (if necessary), and they could rock out to Styx as often and as loud as any God fearing American should. Of course, as with all things, we see that each step up that ladder, whether it be corporate or military, comes the same ridiculous meetings and expectations. The same silly checks and balances are always there, no matter how high up you are.

I like to imagine a navy where Terry is XO or whatever rank it may be. One of his officers chooses to shirk their duties and go AWOL for a concert or a World Series or a Hall of Fame induction. They return to base with the full knowledge that he/she is in deep shit. They are told to be in Captain Fitzgibbon's chambers right away. The long, slow walk is surrounded with fear of the wrath of Captain Fitz and his iron fist (think Iron Curtain, St. Jude, circa 1996) while inside the officer is hiding the largest, stupidest grin ever, as is expected after such a great weekend. They knock, open the door, and enter. Terry is facing away, staring at the wall. The officer says good afternoon sir and sits. Terry still facing away, lets one rip, it is slow and steady and has a nice warmth to it. The officer holds back laughter but is struggling. Terry turns with the most deadpan face one can imagine, fake anger bursting from his eyeballs as he stares down the officer. He slowly sits and hands the officer an envelope. He tells said officer to open it. The officer slowly opens the letter and pulls out a 1982 Cal Ripken Jr rookie card. It is donruss and it is mint. It is glorious. He asks the officer to tell him what it is, "Cal Ripken Jr, sir, rookie card." "Yes it is," replies Terry, "I hope you take this to heart next time you decide to go AWOL and attend a Phillies World Series parade son." Confused, the officer says I will sir and leaves. He is competely confused and only years later realizes the meaning in this encounter. He spends the next 18 month tour loving every day of life aboard the USS Not-Quite-Sinking with Captain Fitz as his leader. Somehow, Captain Fitzgibbons is not of the same breed typical of the ship commander and life, although at times painful, does have it's up sides. He does not know Terry is the pride of Chalfont, St Jude's, and all things 18914. He does not know the Cal Jr. story and will not until two years later, upon leaving the Navy, when a friend tells him to check out this world changing book. He does, he reads it, he remembers his AWOL incident, laughs, and thinks of all the similarities between Terry and himself.

"Everybody plays the fool, sometimes, there is no exception to the rule. Listen baby. It may be factual, it may be cruel, but everybody plays the fool."

I was troubled thinking of how I could end this review. First and foremost because as most things I write it is scatter brained and does not follow any sort of order or "standard" writing format. Of course, I knew somehow an idea for a final paragraph would come to me and it did while driving home from dinner. Listening to Baltimore's WXPN 90.5 and completely content after eating a wonderful Mexican meal, Main Ingredient's Everybody Plays the Fool prophetically began playing on my car speakers. It is a wonderful song and completely ecompasses all of the emotions I felt while reading this book, both Terry's and my own.The song and book both have a very cheerful, upbeat, almost humorous rhythm to them while covering topics that are not exactly cheerful and upbeat. I completely picture Terry dancing with some of his darker complexion "brothers" in some far away country, completely out of place but somehow fitting in perfectly. The contrast between his complexion and theirs, his white boy dancing and their rhythm, and his pickup lines versus their smoothness only accentuates how he is fitting in. For me, the song comparison goes beyond this imaginary scene though. The lyrics, even just considering the title, give you a very clear idea of what the song is about. Somehow, in some way, we will all play the fool sometimes, there is no exception to the rule. "Falling is love is such an easy thing to do and there is no guarantee that the one you love is going to love you." Just as Terry did with the Navy way back when he saw those posters and their lovely images and heard their whispered promises. He worked hard to obtain that life only to realize that the grass is always greener and that beyond those beautiful images is the "real" navy or the "big" navy. Unfortunately for Terry, as much as he loved "his" navy, this navy was a bitter, cruel bitch and did not love him back. Many of us have worked hard in some aspect or another only to realize all that work was for naught and we changed direction. As hard as the times got at certain points, there always was an end. Sometimes, it beat us up and in some cases some of us did not walk away the happy, cheery, life loving souls that entered. Other times, as with Terry, we took the pummeling, iced and bandaged our wounds and day by day walked the fine line between complete and total hatred and sarcastic acceptance. This sarcasm, acceptance, and sense of humor allowed us to continue onward and overcome.

"Perhaps it was the lovely tulips by the statue in the brochure picture."