Agnew's Mind He's got a long journey ahead of him.

Quick Dream

    by Mike Agnew Jr.

This was just the end of my Tequila-induced dreaming from last night.  I apologize for it's shortness but it's all I got.  I actually laughed toothpaste onto the mirror this morning because I remembered it all of the sudden.

So I'm in the dream and I'm driving down a nice country road.  It's a sunny day and I've got the top down screamin' out.   I'm drving and driving and then I realize I'm heading into a new town.  Now I just want to clarify that I must have been thinking Back to the Future because I come up to a welcome sign that says...

Welcome to Hilltown!

"Home of the most customized racing cars and red light racing challenges." 

The sign has all the little emblems around it like the Lions club and such.  Although I find the slogan a little off, I continue into the town.  It is just filled to the brim with (for a lack of a less racial term) Jap'd out hondas.  But I figure I'm just rolling through town.  I will be out of Fast and the Furiousville soon.  That is until I reach a red light.  A minivan full of ghetto-acting white kids are piled into it.  I figure we are in Hilltown so I look over at the driver and acknowledge the race...which I know I will win.  Well this sets off all the kids and they start yelling about me and how my car is not pimped out.  Luckily I was able to respond with, "Sure is nice that your mom let you borrow HER wheels so you and your butt buddies could stand at the mall and get all emo with each other.  Oh and being as I was just dropped her off, she wanted me to tell you that you need to wash your piss-filled sheets before bible study tonight."  Then I pointed at the light and yelled, "Wrench it!"  (I don't know either.)  Light turns green and for some reason I pull the Marty McFly reverse manuver.  I spin my car around and look down the road at the speeding minivan.  Then I say, "Jesus, I would have hit that Rolls-Royce!"  But no Rolls-Royce showed up.  The minivan sped off and in the distance you could hear one of the punks yell, "Pussssssssssyyyyy!"

I  turned back around and sat with my hands on the wheel and said with an open mouth, "huh".

 

*pop*

I woke up.

Windshield Dream

    by Mike Agnew Jr.

Well just like most of my dreams this one is a 3 parter.

Part 1: Bill is a author.

So Bill and I are heading out to the phillies game. The phils ended up winning but when I come out of the stadium, Bill is sitting at a table with a long line of people waiting to see him. So I go up to Bill and ask him, "What's going on?" and Bill says, " Oh my book came out today. It's called Opening Doors(or something like that remember this was the first part of the dream and when I get to the second part you will know why this part is not as important)." So I take a copy of the book and look through it. I forget the first chapter but the there were pictures of doors around all the words. I remeber seeing the title page of the second chapter because it said, "Facebook the doorway to hacking."

So then I leave Bill sitting there and I hop in Jon's car and we drive over to some random house. It looked kinda like a drug-dealer-in-one-of-the-Lethal-Weapons-movies houses. Lots of really big glass walls and stuff. Anyway we pull in and run inside where there is this open pizza box with 3 slices in it. The first slice is pepperoni and sausage, the second plain white garlic, and the third veggie,no olives. So Jon and I stand there like we have to make a tough decision...looking from one another to the pizzas and then back again. Finally I take the veggie and pass Jon the other two slices. Then we run back to the car eating the slices on the way.

Part 2: Paris

When we get back in the car I sit in the backseat behind the driver. Jon is driving and now there are two girls in the car. The girl in the front I did not recognize, however the girl sitting next to me I did. Paris Hilton is now sitting next to me. "Hey Paris." I say. I feel this kind of disgust towards her. My thoughts in the dream were pretty much of her being a huge slut. "You don't like me do you." she said. "Why would you say that?" I respond as she leans her back up against me. At this point we are moving down the road, and all I am trying to do is ignore Paris Hilton who is desperately trying to get my attention. Trying to get my attention so much that she ends up going down on me. But its funny cause I'm sitting there in the car not really effected by it so I throw a piece of paper at the back of Jon's head. He turns around completely (while driving mind you) and goes "What?" and I point down and he looks and then gives me a thumbs up and goes back to driving. This also gets the attention of the girl in the passenger seat. She turns around and says, "Looks like fun. so you have room for another girl to give you a windshield." At this point I have no idea what a windshield would be but make a note in my head to look it up. (After searching the urban dictionary there is a definition for windshield wiper that would fit this scenario.)

So then Paris and I get dropped off at a family dinner...my family dinner. the restaurant is more like a old mexican family's apartment. In fact when I first walked in the family that lived there was in the other room watching TV in the dark so all their faces were lit up by the blue glow of the TV. The room I walked into was the kitchen which had a little table with four chairs and all the lights were out except for the stove light. Then this little 4 foot tall mexican grandma comes over and starts pushing me out saying "Vamanos, vamanos!". When I get back outside I notice that my whole family is out there waiting to go in. My dad tells me that we have to wait until they finish setting up. So now I'm standing there looking at my family and extended family while they all look at Paris Hilton. Although she is a slut I still felt a little bad so I introduced to her to the family and everyone acted pretty civil. My mom and my sisters passed a few words and gave her a few looks up and down shaking their heads. Then from behind me my grandpop flings open the door and says, "We're ready! Dinner is served." So everyone piles back into the room that has somehow transformed into a much larger, much lighter room, that is somehow still attached to the room with the TV. We all sit down but before we begin to eat my dad tells me and Paris to get some tortillas from the garden.(I'm not sure if he said garden or tortillas for that matter but he told us to get something from the back of the house.) Anyway we get back there and whatever we are trying to get is pretty high up on this netted thing. If anyone watches ninja warrior it was setup similarly to the net thing in stage 1 minus the trampoline. Anyway she starts climbing up and falls and somehow gets covered in guacamole and wasabi. She starts crying about it being in her eyes so I go to help her out and end up falling in myself. So now Paris Hilton and I are arguing with each other, trapped in a net, and covered in guacamole and wasabi sause. eventually our bickering turns to laughing and then we start making out which was good and did not burn my nostrils I guess due to the fact that I was dreaming.

So the dream took a break at this point and just left me with an Epilogue type ending.

Part 3: Haircut

I need to get a haircut so I walk into this salon in a strip mall. The counter is all the way in the back of the shop. There are lots of asian girls running around cutting people hair (all Wizard of OZ/Emerald City style... "That's how we laugh the day away in the merry old land of OZ") Anyway so I walk all the way to back where a lady is waiting at the counter.

"How may I help you?", she says.

"I want to make an appointment to get a haircut. Can you fit me in?"

"Sure let's see what we have available."

We both look down into the glass desk that is setup much like a jewelery store, but instead of rings and watches there are red pillows with human heads on them, the heads' eyes are all shut like they are peacfully sleeping. It is then I realize that I am holding my head and it is also asleep like the others. I check that I have a head on my shoulders and I do. "So this one I'm holding my be my spare." I'm thinking...gotta love dream logic. So I look down the line of heads and there is an open pillow and in front of the pillow is a tag that says "Friday".

I look up at the lady and say, "Friday will be great."

"And how would you like your hair styled?"

So I put my head on the counter and turn it so it is facing to the side. And I point to different parts of my head(on the counter) as I talk.

"Two on the side and trim up the top. Short but so I can still comb it forward."

"Ok we will see you Friday"

"Ok then, goodbye."

"Have a good afternoon, sir."

I walk to the front of the store and tap the bell on the door on my way out. And then I wake up.

In case you were wondering I ate a sleeve of Oreos with milk before bed.

Fire away with your thoughts!

Last Night’s Dream

    by Mike Agnew Jr.

I had a dream last night that I was sitting on my computer watching videos on facebook. I came across one of my ex-girlfriend snorting cocaine and then entering into a menage a trois with a very large Asian man who looked similar to Mr. Sulu from Star Trek. There was another girl there but she was blurry and I guess just completing the mystery of the dream. And then like any online video it ended offering up other videos. Sorry I don't remember them.

Then I had a second dream where I made out with Elaine Benes in the rain. For some reason we were black and white. It started with us just standing there almost like a movie in a wide-screen shot. i was on the right side and her on the left. It was not raining at this point. I started to walk over to her and she said, " Stop! You have to wait till it starts to rain." Not really in a mean way but more of a the rain is you cue to come over here. So then the clouds opened up and the rain started. We did one of those kisses where the camera spins around us till you get dizzy. Well I got dizzy and fell out of bed.

So tell me what it all means.....