Agnew's Mind He's got a long journey ahead of him.

Letters from Section 137

    by Mike Agnew Jr.

So I was sitting in my seat in section 137 after today's game and I was trying to figure out how to put together all my thoughts of different events that occurred during the game.  So I figured I would address those involved or those interested directly in letter form as to be as sarcastic and sincere at the same time....so let's begin...

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Dear Cole Hamels,

I told you at last Saturday's game that you would need to show up to the playoffs.  I noticed you dragging your feet right from the get go.  Now I know we had locked in the NL East a couple games before but that is no reason to stop playing baseball.   You let the runners steal bases on you like it was a pee-wee league game.  But I digress.  Today's performance was more of the same and to have that press conference this morning complaining about the timing of the game and how the world champs deserve more respect.  Maybe you are right but that is something for the fans to complain about not the ball players.  You just focus on the game.

Oh, ......and congrats on the kid.

Love,

A Guy from the Stands

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Dear Third Base Umpire,

You are horrible.

Hate,

Mike

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Dear Left Field Umpire,

Please advise the third base umpire and correct him when he is blatantly wrong.  Teach him that everyone makes mistakes.  Please also tell him that I was a little harsh in my letter to him and for that I am sorry.  I got caught up in the moment and my emotions got the best of me.

See you at dinner,

Michael

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Dear Larry-the-Cable-Guy-Looking Guy in Section 136,

I felt horrible watching your aluminum bud light pounders get knocked over not once, not twice, not thrice, but a grand total of FIVE times.  Thirty-five bucks spilled onto the concrete below.  Wasted...and evaporated.  Your Utley jersey fell into that puddle of beer a total of eleven times and your rally towel....well...you couldn't even wave it like all the fans around you because it was saturated with your lost possessions.  I recognized the culprit behind this repeated occurrence early on and believe it all stemmed back to the rich bastards sitting in your row.  They put all their beers in the cup holder to the left when they should be using the one to the right which, in turn, left you, at the end of the row, without a cup holder to call your own.  You managed by sticking it under your seat or even between your feet but the rich bastards wouldn't have it.  They wanted to break you.  So they would get up to go to the bathroom, make you get up from your seat, make you move to the aisle, and in the process kick your ice cold boodlight under your chair where it's gold nectar would return to the earth whence it came.  I cry for you, oh sleeveless warrior, because even after all these tragedies you still prevailed.  At last call, in the bottom of the 7th, you not only got yourself an ice cold chalice of golden wheat but you also attained a holding sheath for said bruski and force those Armani-wearing losers to shift their beverages one holder to the right.  And on top of it all, you tipped the beer-man a buck on top of the already over-inflated price of Seven dollars.

You are my Hero,

A friend

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Dear Dewitt,

I saw Woodland on the Fanavision during the "Bongo Cam" part.  She is the ring that binds us.

Pleasants,

the one

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Other Notable Quotes:

Beer Man (handing me a beer for a guy down the row): "Here man, take a sip and pass it down."

Guy on a Cell Phone on the way out:"No we lost............Hamel (pooped) the bed."

Guy behind me: "WHAT ARE YOU SWINGING AT!....I mean....I'm not yelling at you...I'm just saying what are you swinging at....I want to know and you are really far away from me and that makes me yell."

Another guy behind me: "Don't get me wrong I love Jimmy.  I do.  I just love hits more."

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And finally, my favorite part of the night:

3 guys standing in the aisle, waiting to get back to their seat.  These are the rich guys from the letter above.  One looked like Chuck Bass.

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.

Guy in seat in front of me: "Hey guys can you sit down while you are waiting to get back to your seats.  No one can see."

Chuck: "I'll sit down as soon as I'm back in my seat. Until then, I'm fine right here."

.

(Let the games begin....)

.

Various guys in our section, there was a huge roar of comments but these were the ones I could make out and remember:

"Hey prissy boy, how 'bout you sit down where you are ... or would that rip your sister's pants that you're wearing."

"In here you are just row 4 seat 12, buddy. Move it."

"I'm gonna steal your BMW and (kiss) your girlfriend in it."

Chuck - "I wasn't talking to any of you, I was talking to him"

"If you are talking to him then you are going to deal with all of us."

"You shouldn't be talking to anybody, pretty boy."

Chuck walks back to his seat, sits down, and looks over at us and says, "You talking to me."

"I'm going to (respect) your girlfriend!"

.

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......and finally a moment of Zen: